The fate of everything, I had once decided to be mine, had betrayed me. I carried on a dream far anyone could imagine, but as desperate as I am now, it will remain forever as a dream – a dream you cannot comprehend. A boundless, incomprehensible fate that I had once conjured.
No, nothing can save me now. I have fallen to the point where I could no longer believe myself.
I am useless. I serve no purpose anymore. The world sees my existence as contrite. The universe I have created, the life I had produced – is rejecting it’s creator. I am now but a shell of who I was, a carcass, detritus.
I dream’t of changing the world. The world I once despised, of whom I had loved. I hoped for salvation. I yearned for redemption – all of which I have achieved. I was happy. I created life, I made the ugly beautiful. I cleansed all those who are tainted and I gave prosperity to the unblessed. I shone light upon darkness. I defeated all those who they deemed evil. I triumphed over the barbarians. I displaced oblivion with peace. I created the perfect world worthy of my greatness.
With this, I thought I could be truly satisfied. I thought it would give meaning to everything – but then I was wrong.
I was mistaken. My ideals, my works, my creations – they all cast hell upon themselves. I was truly deluded by the perfection of my dream. A perfect dream, in which will remain a dream.
They shed blood. They swung their swords to each other’s necks. It was a sight to behold. A tainted spring of black and red – it was the realization of the truth of my ideals, that what I had created, is fated to be destroyed.
I cannot lie on the fact that I adored even in their slaughter. After all, they embody my will and my tenement. Their deeds, their blood, their flesh – all of which once belonged to mine. All of it, which is mine alone.
After the cries had faded, I walked the earth of flesh I had loved.
I have failed.
But then again, I did not lose hope.
I gave. I loved. I created.
They stole. They hated. They destroyed.
An endless dream of passion and murder – a corrugation of glass and flesh, a calm lake of puke and excrement.
Their fate, my fate did not change.
That is when I decided, I will destroy the world myself. It is because I loved them so much, that I shall be the one to end their suffering.
I gave. I loved. I created.
I stole. I hated. I destroyed.
An endless dream of warmth and corruption – a concoction of bile and diamonds, a subtle rain of blood and acid.
Their fate, my fate did not change, but something else was. it is I.
I resigned myself from thyself. I realized I had lost sights on my true intentions. I began to regret all of which I had done until now. All of them.
I cannot be myself anymore.
Those are my last thoughts, as I lay down the cold tiled floor, holding the tool I have proven to be unworthy of.
But I cannot fall just yet. I should at least throw the drafts to the dustbin.