pen

The fate of everything, I had once decided to be mine, had betrayed me. I carried on a dream far anyone could imagine, but as desperate as I am now, it will remain forever as a dream – a dream you cannot comprehend. A boundless, incomprehensible fate that I had once conjured.

No, nothing can save me now. I have fallen to the point where I could no longer believe myself.

I am useless. I serve no purpose anymore. The world sees my existence as contrite. The universe I have created, the life I had produced – is rejecting it’s creator. I am now but a shell of who I was, a carcass, detritus.

I dream’t of changing the world. The world I once despised, of whom I had loved. I hoped for salvation. I yearned for redemption – all of which I have achieved. I was happy. I created life, I made the ugly beautiful. I cleansed all those who are tainted and I gave prosperity to the unblessed. I shone light upon darkness. I defeated all those who they deemed evil. I triumphed over the barbarians. I displaced oblivion with peace. I created the perfect world worthy of my greatness.

With this, I thought I could be truly satisfied. I thought it would give meaning to everything – but then I was wrong.

I was mistaken. My ideals, my works, my creations – they all cast hell upon themselves. I was truly deluded by the perfection of my dream. A perfect dream, in which will remain a dream.

They shed blood. They swung their swords to each other’s necks. It was a sight to behold. A tainted spring of black and red – it was the realization of the truth of my ideals, that what I had created, is fated to be destroyed.

I cannot lie on the fact that I adored even in their slaughter. After all, they embody my will and my tenement. Their deeds, their blood, their flesh – all of which once belonged to mine. All of it, which is mine alone. 

After the cries had faded, I walked the earth of flesh I had loved. 

I have failed.

But then again, I did not lose hope.

I gave. I loved. I created.

They stole. They hated. They destroyed.

An endless dream of passion and murder – a corrugation of glass and flesh, a calm lake of puke and excrement.

Their fate, my fate did not change.

That is when I decided, I will destroy the world myself. It is because I loved them so much, that I shall be the one to end their suffering.

I gave. I loved. I created.

I stole. I hated. I destroyed.

An endless dream of warmth and corruption – a concoction of bile and diamonds, a subtle rain of blood and acid.

Their fate, my fate did not change, but something else was. it is I.

I resigned myself from thyself. I realized I had lost sights on my true intentions. I began to regret all of which I had done until now. All of them. 

I cannot be myself anymore.

Those are my last thoughts, as I lay down the cold tiled floor, holding the tool I have proven to be unworthy of. 

But I cannot fall just yet. I should at least throw the drafts to the dustbin.

Advertisements

Discourse

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s